Basset Calculator
Courtesy Susan Sadler
A. Occiput- lump of knowledge
B. Brain- too complex and clever for human comprehension
C. Eyes- The Ultimate Weapon! Safety mechanism against any form of correction; also useful around the dinner table
D. Nose- Can detect roast beef in a sealed bank vault; also used to perform introductions to other dogs and humans (with occasional embarassement to the owner!)
E. Lips- To carry water from drinking bowl to human legs and laps
F. Mouth- Transport medium for belly (see I); also used as musical instrument with selections ranging from - - - operatic to the 1812 Overture
G. Tail- for wagging objects off low coffee tables
H. Nails- Often raked down human shins to gain attention; aid in digging large holes
I. Belly- Large, economy-size, perpetually empty container for bits of shoes, carpets, chairs etc. Source of all motivation in the basset.
J. X- Scratch this spot for perpetual motion of hind leg.
K. Feet- For transferring mud to floors, humans and non-doggy people.
L. Ears- For collecting samples of food, dirt etc (especially etc!); also for laying under descending human feet to gain sympathy, attention and dog biscuits.
M. - Yet to be discovered oddities of Basset behaviour ... Brace yourselves!