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Basset Calculator 

Courtesy Susan Sadler

A.     Occiput- lump of knowledge 

B.     Brain- too complex and clever for human comprehension

C.     Eyes- The Ultimate Weapon! Safety mechanism against any form of correction; also useful around the dinner table 

D.     Nose- Can detect roast beef in a sealed bank vault; also used to      perform introductions to other dogs and humans (with occasional embarassement to the owner!) 

E.    Lips- To carry water from drinking bowl to human legs and laps 

F.      Mouth- Transport medium for belly (see I); also used as musical instrument with selections ranging from - - - operatic to the 1812 Overture 

G.      Tail- for wagging objects off low coffee tables

H.      Nails- Often raked down human shins to gain attention; aid in digging large holes 

I.        Belly- Large, economy-size, perpetually empty container for bits of shoes, carpets, chairs etc. Source of all motivation in the basset. 

J.       X- Scratch this spot for perpetual motion of hind leg.

K.      Feet- For transferring mud to floors, humans and non-doggy people. 

L.      Ears- For collecting samples of food, dirt etc (especially etc!); also for laying under descending human feet to gain sympathy, attention and dog biscuits. 

M.     - Yet to be discovered oddities of Basset behaviour ... Brace yourselves! 

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